I was reading one of my self-help books, and got to a section titled, “Signs and Symptoms of Inner Peace.” After reading the signs and symptoms, I realized, I evidently have no inner peace. Some of the things listed made me laugh out loud, and I wondered if other people, COULD, check off the list, so thought I’d share it here with you.
The first part wasn’t too bad. But, then, “unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment,” I think they loose me on the unmistakable. Yes, I should enjoy each day, and appreciate, and all that crap. But, each moment? Unmistakably?
If I’ve had a sh*t day, you know the kind where one bad thing turns into a domino effect and there isn’t enough vino, cheese or Bravo TV, to fix it all? When you look at your credit cards and realize the amount due, is about triple the amount you have in your bank account? I’m not enjoying that moment. Nope, not one bit.
Then the next one, “a loss of judging people?” I don’t think I’m THAT judgmental of a person, but I’m always going to stereotype people and make a few snap judgments. That girl in Citerella? The one who was wearing an Herve Leger dress and platform stilettos at three pm on a Sunday. The one who cut me off in line, and then whipped her hair in my face so that a long whiff of Garnier meets Bath and Body Works aroma blew at me. That girl, who was rude to me, and then even ruder to the check-out clerk. Yeah, I may or may not be making some judgments about her. Sorry, can’t help it.
Then the next two aren’t so bad, but then when I got to the part about, “a loss of the ability to worry.” Ok, come on hippie self-help people, who doesn’t worry?!?!?! Even if I had everything I wanted in the whole world, I would still worry that something bad would happen. That the other shoe would drop. Even now, in my own f*cked up neurosis, when good stuff happens to me, I kind of wait, pause, make sure nothing terrible is about to happen. I mean, no ability to worry? Come on, there is ALWAYS something to worry about! Which makes me also wonder, as I’ve done on here before, are there actual people who can read this and say, “yes, I do all these things?” I can check off the whole list. Are these Prius loving yoga people, legit not worrying about the payments on said Prius? Do these humans exist? While I was thinking about this person, which if I’m honest with myself, was a bit of a judgmental-stereotype going on in my head. I can kind of see them in my mind. They may or may not be wearing Lululemon and carrying one of those silver water bottles and a cloth tote from Whole Foods (see no judgment there.)
Then I read the last one which had me giggling out loud. Maybe, it’s the wording? “Frequent attacks of smiling?” Of course in my head, I saw this crazy person rolling around, saying namaste to everyone and smiling manically. Like smiling turrets essentially.
I just can’t imagine anyone being able to do all these things? Or maybe that’s the whole point, that you’ll never be able to check off the whole list, and thus, are constantly striving to accomplish “the signs.” I think there is a weird dichotomy going on with some of this self-help stuff. A strange hypocrisy of helping people, but, also giving slightly unrealistic goals. I don’t think any normal American, nay, any normal person walking on this earth, could give up worrying, or not worry at all. I will continue to read my self-help, and continue to strive to have an awareness for myself to have more positive thoughts. But, I won’t be so hard on myself, when I realize I carry no symptoms of inner peace. Maybe my own inner peace comes from a quest to find it, and can never be so simple as a check list, or carry symptoms? I wonder.