Blah Blah Blah, Thoughts

Cracks In My Life

September 15, 2015

Creating-and-animating-a-dandelion-in-Autodesk-Maya-and-ZBrushMy life is always a series of ebbs and flows. I wonder if this is how other people feel about their life? A constant wave going up and down, but more than anything, I feel like things come in threes. When things are good, a ton of goodness is thrown my way. One good piece of news comes in after the other. A lovely little trail like a dandelion being blown in your direction. Wisp after wisp of joy is brought your way. Unfortunately though, I feel like the same can be said for not good things, or in other words, crap. It’s never one seagull or pigeon pooping on me. No, it’s more of a flock situation. A flock of overfed birds circling my head taking post-Thanksgiving dinner poops directly on my face.

Is the bird/Thanksgiving analogy weird? Kinda. But, I’m frazzled so get over it and move on.

So far I’ve been riding on a high wave lately. A lovely change from the desperate dog paddle, treading water in a murky puddle that normally goes on. What is with my analogies today? But, you get the picture.

Unfortunately, this high wave, like most, has to break, and crash it did the last couple of days. Like most of my problems, I admit, on the scale of “real life” harsh issues, it’s not that bad. But, in my world, it’s just been a lot of headaches, a ton of annoyances, and just general; UGH! Yet, like all things in my world, there somehow always seems to be some hint of goodness that peaks through my not so great time. It made me think of the quote that I’ve always loved and have written about before, “ there is a crack in everything… that’s how the light gets in.” The older I get, the more I realize it’s always about the small things for me. The slight, unsuspecting moments. The times when I least expect some goodness and am blown away by a tiny act of kindness or generosity of spirit, that completely restores me and my faith in the universe.

This week I’ve had lots of cracks, in all senses of the word. An earthquake of breaks in a time that should have been smooth sailing and easy going. Yet it’s this hairline fracture where the sunbeams peak in that I can’t help reflect upon with a smile on my face.

Both me and one of my best friends had what could very easily be described as a “total sh*te day” yesterday. Our world’s were both broken, hers quite literally, and mine by matters of opinion. Yet, it was the texting back and forth, the sharing in our grievances, making each other laugh at the outrageousness of our not so good times that made me smile.

Plus, one of the things I love so much about New York, is the unsuspecting support of complete and utter strangers. On a few occasions over the last day or two, I’ve vented to people I don’t know. They listen to me, share my opinion, offer there’s, and generally make me feel better. It gives me this strange impression or sensation that I have a team behind me, which is truly the oddest, but most wonderful thing.

The older I get the more I realize it’s not about the big picture. It’s about finding the little moments, the little cracks, the light that manages to force itself in, even when there seems to be only darkness. Now I find myself looking for the cracks, searching for them really. Nothing is ever perfect. Most of the time, it is much more than less than perfect, but it’s the cracks that bring in the beauty. Without the fractures in life, the hiccups, the crashes, the ebbs and flows, there would be no perspective, no appreciation for the small stuff, no appreciation for the good. You can’t stop the ebbs and flows, the highs and lows. You can’t stop the cracks from breaking. But, you can look and feel for the light. You may not be able to stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. I think this is what life’s all about really. Learn to surf, dive into the wave, and break free above the water’s surface into the sun.



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  • Reply Stephster September 16, 2015 at 2:48 am

    You seriously blow my mind; always positive and concerned for everyone else. Honestly, you kinda amaze me. Thanks for always honestly sharing what’s going on for you because that’s made a huge difference in my life lately by reminding me that it will always get better. And there’s also always Mr Fassbender. ❤️

    • Reply sl September 16, 2015 at 3:15 am

      Thanks boo. I’m a definite work in progress. Fassbender is the dream and if I can bring him into your living room, my work here is done 😍😉

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